Main Page

LIFE ON MARS

The Annotated Martian: Test Card Girl

Test Card F is a test card, an image used to determine the quality of a broadcast television picture. Due to its use on BBC television for more than 30 years when broadcasting was off the air, it is probably the most commonly seen test card in the world. The picture shows a girl playing noughts and crosses with a doll, surrounded by various greyscales and colour tests needed to ensure a correct signal. It first appeared in 1967, on BBC Two.

At first we see the Test Card Girl as part of Test Card F.

However, she comes out of the television, leaving the chalkboard behind, to speak to Sam in person.

First Appearance

The first time we see Test Card Girl is Episode 2. Sam has gone home with a bottle of house red from Nelson's bar; he's upset after June's shooting and his fight with Gene. The framing suggests she is appearing in a dream.

She talks to Sam about feeling lonely. She says that he is better here in 1973 than in "the white room that's too warm"--possibly his hospital room in 2006. She appears to be persuading Sam to be happy where he is and not to try to wake up.

CUT TO-
SAM, fully dressed, wakes from a nightmare, gasping. He looks over at the TV. The Test Card is on there.

SAM
What are you smirking at, Mona Lisa?

Groaning, he sits up, rubbing the back of his head. Suddenly, the room is bathed in a weak yellowish light and the TEST CARD GIRL appears behind him.

TEST CARD GIRL
I'm sorry you're lonely, Sam.

SAM looks at her, screams, and throws himself off the bed, against the wall.

TEST CARD GIRL
Are you really lonely here?

He looks frantically at the TV. The test card is still there, but the girl and clown are missing from it.

SAM (terrified)
No no no no no no, I'm not listening.

He sticks his fingers in his ears.

TEST CARD GIRL
Don't you think it can be lonely out there too?

SAM
La la la la la!

TEST CARD GIRL
In the white room that's too warm?

SAM scoots along the floor, wedges himself against the wall between the wardrobe and the bed.

SAM
Stop it.

TEST CARD GIRL
Life goes on.

He looks at the TV again.

TEST CARD GIRL
But does it really go on for the sleeping man?

SAM
I'm not sleeping, I'm here!

He smacks himself on the head. She's coming closer.

TEST CARD GIRL
And isn't it better here, where you can be busy?

SAM's frantic, completely freaked out.

SAM
Look, just.. just get out!

TEST CARD GIRL
Do you not like me with my clown? I can see I make you frown-

He's holding up his hands. She's got him cornered and is coming closer.

TEST CARD GIRL
When on earth will all this end? I'm your friend, your only friend.

SAM
Get out!

CUT TO-
SAM wakes from a nightmare, breathless and sweating. He wipes his face and looks at the TV. The girl is back in the test card.

Second Appearance

In Episode Three, Sam and Gene are in conflict over a suspect. Sam is determined to use evidence to prove him innocent, but a report shows the victim's blood on his clothes. Sam goes to Nelson, saying he feels like fighting for the truth is futile. Sam goes home to his flat to sleep.

Sam is asleep with the TV on. He wakes up to see Test Card Girl in front of him. She talks to him about feeling helpless and afraid. Sam says he's afraid if he stops fighting he'll die. She tells him to give up and sleep forever, and soothes him back to sleep. Just as he starts to nod off, Sam bolts awake again.

This appearance is more ambiguous. It appears to be more physically real rather than only a dream.

CUT TO-
SAM's bedsit. He's in bed, under the covers, the right way up and asleep, without any visible crime notes or evidence on top of him. But the TV is on. The test card, minus the girl. Despite the fact that this is just about the only time we ever see SAM sleeping normally, he's restless. Suddenly he bolts upright. The test card girl is standing in front of him, with her clown, smiling at him.

SAM
What do you want?

TEST CARD GIRL
I told you. I'm your only friend. I'm here to help. Do you feel helpless?

SAM swallows and manages to nod.

SAM
Yeah.

TEST CARD GIRL
Unappreciated?

SAM
That's a big word for a little girl.

TEST CARD GIRL
Scared?

SAM
Scared...

He hears faint hospital noises.

SAM
.. I'll stop fighting. If I stop fighting, then I'm scared I'll die.

TEST CARD GIRL
You poor thing

SAM
What can I do?

TEST CARD GIRL
Give up. Lie down. Close your eyes. And sleep.

SAM lies down.

TEST CARD GIRL
And sleep. No more nastiness. Just sleep. Just sleep. Forever. Sleep.

The beeping gets louder and suddenly SAM bolts upright again.

SAM
No!

The girl is gone. He looks at the TV. She's back in there. SAM groans and lies down again.

Third Appearance

In Episode Four, Test Card Girl appears during Sam's LSD hallucination. She is watching Sam and Joni have sex, and comments that he shouldn't be ashamed for it. Again she is concerned about his loneliness. Her appearance is squarely in the midst of the hallucination, yet she seems to have as much reality as Joni.

A flash of images. Black and white soldiers, Basil Brush in Hollywood, a war, SAM hides his face. Santa on a flat-screen widescreen shiny black TV, the woods, a naked JONI bouncing on top of him, handcuffs, dancing at the club, handcuffs again, the clubs again, the woods, shoes with huge buckles, SAM on his bed, the test card girl, a glimpse of red in the woods, SAM lying on his back, JONI on top of him, Basil Brush, the test card girl- He hears voices, disjointed and echoey.

TEST CARD GIRL
There's nothing to be ashamed of, Sam. You can't be lonely all the time.

JONI
Sorry for all the trouble, Sam.

GENE
It works very nicely, thank you, til some dill from the suburbs starts waving his willy around. Sam!

SAM on his back, the test card girl, the woods, a glimpse of red, JONI, the test card girl, SAM, the test card girl, RUTH, JONI, GENE, Britney Spears, GENE, Santa, WARREN, SAM, the woods and then suddenly it's over.

Fourth Appearance

In Episode Five, Sam is awake for her visit. He is studying the photos of a murdered man after breaking the news to his family. He related strongly with the son due to his own father's disappearance when he was young, and the loss of their shared football experiences. Sam promised the boy he would find his father's killer, but has reached a dead end.

Test Card Girl echoes Sam's fears that he will fail to find the killer, thus disappointing the son. Instead of trying to comfort Sam, she is critical of him. She leaves Sam with a vision of the woods. This is the last time we see her until the final episode of the season.

CUT TO-
SAM in his bedsit, looking at photos of the dead body. A voice makes him look up. It's the TEST CARD GIRL, sitting cross-legged on top of his TV.

TEST CARD GIRL
Why did you promise him, Sam?

SAM sits further back on his bed.

TEST CARD GIRL
Daddies always let you down, don't they?

SAM screws his eyes up tight, hoping she'll be gone when he opens them again. She is. He breathes hard, shaken by her appearance. He has an Unreality Flash. The woods, a black sleeve, a red dress, a horrible scream- He comes back to himself and lets out a breath, shakes his head hard. These visions are really starting to get to him. He lies back on his bed, his hands over his face.

CUT TO-
SAM jerks awake. Bright light streams in through the window. He's covered in paper and photos. The TV is still on and the TEST CARD GIRL is still inside it. He's fallen asleep fully dressed, including his boots. Breathing a little harder than necessary, he flops back down again, rubbing his face.

Fifth Appearance

In Episode Eight, Test Card Girl makes a brief appearance; we only hear her this time. Again, Sam appears to be awake for her visit. She asks Sam why he is here, then he sees the images of the woods again. It is possible this is a message for him, and bears some similarity to her actions in Episode Five. In contrast to her earlier appearances, she is pushing him to take action rather than to be accepting and passive.

SAM is asleep in his bedsit, fully-clothed, face down, the wrong way round on his bed. The TV is on, showing the test card girl.

TEST CARD GIRL
You've done everything you can think of and you're still no closer to home.

SAM lifts up his head and looks at the TV. The girl is missing from the test card.

TEST CARD GIRL
Why are you still here, Sam?

He looks around, but he can't see her.

SAM
I'm here for a reason.

He has an Unreality Flash. The woods, the buckled shoes, a glimpse of an arm, dressed in black or dark blue.

Main Page