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Sam: From the diary, quote. 'I killed her. She's been killed. I'm a killer, an ace killer.' That particular entry is not awash with ambiguity.
Chris: Blimey. you look like you've ten rounds with Big Henry. Someone needs to take a look at you, boss. You're as white as a gingerbird's arse.
Sam: Okay. Alright. Surprise me. What year is it supposed to be?
Gene: Word in your shell-like, pal. (Gene grabs Sam and throws him into the room and up against a filing cabinet)
Sam: Big mistake!
Gene: Yeah? What about this? (he punches Sam, then slams him up against the cabinet)
Gene: They reckon you've got concussion. But I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains are falling out. Don't ever waltz into my kingdom acting King of the Jungle.
Sam: Who the hell are you?
Gene: Gene Hunt, your DCI, and it's 1973. Almost dinner time. I'm 'avin 'oops.Sam: No, it- I....I need you to connect me to a Virgin... number. Virgin mobile...
Operator: Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call.Gene: Right. I've gotta get down the pub and give the papers a statement and if I don't get a move on, they'll all be half-cut. (to Sam) So, you're senior officer, you're in charge.
Annie: I'm about as qualified as Doctor Kildare. I'm part of the Women's Department.
Sam: I was four in 1973, Annie. Hit me.
Annie: Don't tempt me.
Sam: Go on.
Annie: You've been in an accident. (Sam decides she isn’t going to hit him and turns away… Annie hits him in the back)
Sam: Shit!
Annie: I'm sorry, sir. (Gene opens the door and reaches his own conclusions, otherwise known as willfully misunderstanding)
Gene: Hey, good girl. Prostate probe and no jelly.Sam: Wait! No! Wait, don't leave me, I'm in BUPA! Please don't leave me!
Gene: Bloody hell, I've seen road accidents more cheerful. Where are you today, here or planet of the Clangers?
Gene: Right, we've pulled a bird in, Dora Keynes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam: Is she a suspect?
Gene: No, just a pain in the arse. (Sam appears to make a decision)
Sam: Alright. Brief me in full. What do I need to know? (Gene looks confused)
Gene: She's a pain in the arse.
Sam: What, so you've handed her in to Lost Property?
Chris: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam: Hang on. You're gonna do the interview in there?
Gene: Thick walls.Gene: You had a drink with Susie the night she died, didn't you, Dora?
Dora: I know you. From the picket line. You put the boot into my old man.
Gene: Oh, happy days.
Dora: Sod off.
Gene: Can't, love.Gene: I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play hopscotch or pin the tail on the donkey, you pick, Dora.
Dora: I want a lawyer.
Gene: I wanna hump Britt Ekland, what’re we gonna do?Sam: I had an accident and I woke up 33 years in the past. Now, that either makes me... a time-traveller or... a lunatic, or I'm lying in a hospital bed in 2006 and none of this is real.
Nelson: You catching flies, brudder?
Sam: Which part of my subconscious do you hail from?
Nelson: (laughs) I like you. I like you.Sam (to Gene): What does it matter anyway? None of this is real! You're just some... thug who crawled out of some dark little pit in the back of my mind.
Gene: You're new. And you've got something big crammed up your jacksie, but don't worry, you'll learn. I may be the sheriff, but I'm a deputy to the law. Now, I don't care if you want to take a swing for me if it makes you feel good, but what I do ask is that you don't hide anything from me. So, have you got a hunch about this case?
Sam: Large whiskey, please.
Nelson: Drink ain't gonna fix things. What am I saying? I run a pub! Of course it'll fix things!
Sam: I'm lost, Nelson. Really lost.
Nelson: You're not lost, pal. You're where you are. And you have to make the best of it. It's all you can do.Gene: I want Chris out of the collators den. It's a waste of flipping time.
Sam: No it isn't.
Gene: Er, sorry, did that sound like a question?Gene: Do you know what, I think you're trying to show me up.
Annie: I'm gonna call DCI Hunt.
Sam: What's he gonna do? Throw me down the stairs? Say I walked into a door? He don't want me around, and he doesn't need me. And I certainly don't need him.Gene: Anything happens to this motor and I come over your houses and stamp on all your toys, got it? (the kids nod) Good kids.
The door-to-door. Sam holds up a photo
Sam: We're looking for this woman, Dora Keynes. Approximately five foot two, curly brown hair, hazel eyes, fake topaz necklace.
At the next door, Gene snatches the photo from Sam before he can start.
Gene: We're looking for a short skinny bird, wears a big coat, lots of gob.Annie: We all feel like jumping sometimes, Sam. Only we don't. Me and you, because we're not cowards.
Sam: What's that on your hands, is that grit?
Annie: Sand. I was running up here and I fell against the fire bucket.
Sam: See, why would I imagine that? Why would I bother to put that kind of detail in it?
Annie: You wouldn't.
Gene: What were you gonna do? Jump in the canal and swim for freedom?
Chris: Eurgh! Get off him! (Sam and Gene let Trent go) He's got verucca!
Sam: Kim Trent, I'm arresting you on suspicion of armed robbery. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your def... no, that's not it, is it? Um, you have the right to remian silent...
Gene: You're nicked!Gene: There's no badge down there, Sammy-boy. Mind you, does tickle open a few doors, eh? Come on!
Gene: If you were Pinocchio, you'd have just poked my eye out.
Sam: Can you account for your whereabouts last Saturday?
Trent: Cookery classes. I'm having it off with Fanny Craddock. (Gene hits him) Snooker tournament! (Gene hits him again) Feeding the ducks! (and again) Pictures!Sam: Well, that was fun.What shall we do later, take a cattle prod to his testes?
Gene: Alright, he called our bluff. The money didn't work.
Sam: You could try nailing him with some real evidence.Sam: People are always in danger, guv. One minute you're going about your business, the next, bang - taken out by a speeding car.
Gene: There's two hundred quid's worth of drugs here. We plant them on him, watch him grow into a big flower of justice.
Sam: This place is like Guantanamo Bay.
Gene: Give over, it's nothing like Spain.A ball hits Gene’s office window
Gene: Oi! Gary Cooper nearly come down then! You want to kick a ball about, do it in the corridor!
Chris: Sorry guv.Sam: Well, in Hyde, we don't traditionally keep acid and knocked-off bling in our offices just so we could get home early.
Sam: If you bring people into the station, they just freak out and they don't think clearly.
Chris: Yeah, but we don't want them thinking clearly. We wanna trip 'em up.
Sam: Chris, these are not suspects. These are witnesses to an armed robbery.
Chris: Yeah. (writing it down) Witnesses... not... suspects (he shows Sam his notebook) There you are. Big letters.Chris: Why've you put tapioca pudding on your beefburger?
Sam: Thought it was horseradish.Gene: I want *you* to clean it up! She works at the station. She's one of us. And I want to be able to look her dad in the eye and say you cleaned up every drop of her precious blood.
Sam: This entire place is cracked! You can't blame me, you lunatic bastard! You were wrong! I didn't do this! They did it!
Sam: 88 was a good vintage. Year I graduated from the Force. Colour television. Central heating. It was like bloody Star Trek compared to this. Can I change it? I'll have 1988 please, quick as you like! I don't mind staying, if that's how it's gotta be, but please can I have a year that's AD, as opposed to BC!
Annie: Are you upset?
Sam: I'm more than upset. I'm comatose.
Annie: I think you should go home.Test Card Girl: Do you not like me with my clown? I can see I make you frown.
Gene: I'm gonna pull Trent in.
Sam: His lawyer will throw the book at you, guv.
Gene: I'll plant a blood-stained dagger on him. I'm gonna nick him for every unsolved crime in the division, including the Maple Lane Poisonings of 1883.
Sam: Alright, beat a confession out him. It won't be worth the bus fare to court.
Gene: I've never fitted anyone up who didn't deserve it.Chris: Talked to everybody on the street, but it's like Whitby fish market out there.
Sam: What?
Chris: Lot of clams.Phyllis: What's that noise?! Ruining my cuppa!
Gene: Oh, don't fret, Phyllis, it's him. Lieutenant Uhura.Sam: He's a key witness. So could you treat him like a person, Phyllis? Do you remember people? You used to be one.
Phyllis: Not bad for you, boss.Sam: Registration?
Leonard: E... I don't know.
Gene: Sorry, was that like, you saying the letter E, and you don't know the rest, or was that like you saying "Eee... I dunno"?Sam: Ray doesn't like me, does he?
Chris: It's just, he was going for Inspector, and then when you turned up, it sorta- no, he hates your guts, boss.
Sam: What about you, Chris? Do you think I'm going about things the right way?
Chris: Er, dunno, I suppose.Sam: Annie's gonna sit with him tonight.
Gene: Eh, Leonard! Fanny in the flat. Nice work.Sam goes into Gene’s office, where Gene is putting up a The Good, The Bad and The Ugly poster
Sam: Which one are you?
Gene: All three.
Sam: Look, I was thinking, guv. I know having me here is difficult for you. What if I went back?
Gene: To Hyde?
Sam: Is that possible?
Gene: I'll get on the blower.
Sam: You can do that? You can just send me back to where I came from?
Gene: Yeah. (he taps the cradle of the phone) Hello, is that the Wizard of Oz? (he holds the phone against his shoulder) The Wizard'll sort it out. It's ‘cause of the wonderful things he does.Gene: You were transferred here, Sam, at your own request. I didn't ask for you. You wanted to come.
Phyllis (on the radio): 870? 870! 870, come in, will you!
Sam: Phyllis, is that you?
Phyllis: No, it's Jane Fonda on the hunt for men.Sam: I want you to record the shape of this blood on the floor.
Gene: Eh?
Sam: Blood pattern analysis? By D H Cromby.
Gene: I'll wait for the film, thanks.
Sam: Oh, you'd like the book. It's got pictures.Gene: I try and teach him and he just doesn't learn, does he?
Chris: No, guv. Sorry, boss. No, guv.
Ray: Casees like this follow a certain pattern, boss. Sure as bacon follows eggs.
Gene: Limited number of suspects. We know it's a bloke, so it's not a crime of passion.
Chris: 'less he's a kinky bloke.
Gene: This is a factory, not a town hall. No, this is a union bloke with an axe to grind. And here's the clincher. Golden rule in these cases is the first one to speak did it.Gene: Tenner says he did it.
Sam: I… I'm not playing.
Gene: And a Party Seven.
Sam: If you think I'm gonna reduce a murder enquiry to the level of a playground bet...
Gene: Cowardy cowardy custard, couldn't cut the mustard.Sam: Could be a gang. Could be a gang of trained eagles. Could be ninjas for all we know.
Chris: No way, boss. Not ninja style.Chris: Can I ask you something, boss? Why do you do it? Why do you deliberately get his goat?
Sam: I uh... I need to fight, Chris.Sam: Anyone can run around like an 'eadless chicken, but nothing beats the satisfaction of a thorough investigative process!
Annie: Why would anyone turn a factory into a block of flats?
Sam: It's supposed to look nice.
Annie: Factories should be factories. Houses should be houses. I mean, things are built for a purpose. It's ridiculous. What would them fellas say if you told them?Sam: There's wet patches all over. The killer's obviously tried to cover his tracks, but he's missed a bit. See? Gay-boy science has its place.
Gene: Mad gallop for the finish, is it? You wanna watch yourself Sammy-boy. I play it rough.
Sam: I'm gonna say two words to you and they will change your life and put you on the fast track to Inspector. Multi. Tasking.
Gene: Why are you trying to make me look like a clown? Litton's gonna have a field day when he finds you out let four untraceable shooters out there.
Sam: This isn't about Litton. And don't blame me for this. You dumped it on me.
Gene: You said you could multi- storey, task, whatever.Chris: That was better than the telly.
Sam: It better have been, or I'll hand you over to DCI Hunt, who will put you on remand for the first unsolved crime he has on his books. Which in this case, happens to be multiple buggery, with menaces. Now, you don't know who the guns are for?
Gene: What is your problem, Sam?
Sam: My problem would rock your world. I'm not giving up on this one. I'm gonna fight it.Gene: Well, if you want to take me on, you're going to have to do better than this. 'Cause everything's pointing towards Gene Genie getting his beer.
Gene: No one can touch the Gene Genie.
Sam: It's over, Nelson. I'm fighting to stay strong, but I feel like I'm losing.
Nelson: You're strong. No doubt. But you got to pick your fights, mon brave. Who you fighting? Mr Hunt? He really your enemy?
Sam: I don't know.
Nelson: You're fighting cos you're scared. Maybe fear is enemy. Hmm?Nelson: It's not over for you, Sam.
Sam: What's wrong with this machine?
Gene: I dunno. It's the wrong colour. It's giving you a shifty look.Sam: We should call Litton and the RCS.
Gene: Okay. Then we can call the Mayor and he can give 'em another award.Sam: Look, I haven't done target range for a while.
Ray: It's okay. Blokes are a lot easier to hit than paper targets.
Gene: You want it or not?
Ray: Probably end up turning it on us. (Sam fiddles with the gun then holds it in front of him like he’s aiming) Yeah, but can you hit anything?
Sam: You should see my Playstation scores.Gene: Drop your weapons! You are surrounded by armed bastards!
Sam: Your dad was willing to give up everything to stop this place from closing. He didn't want to kill anybody. He wanted to save everyone. Look, I know how you're feeling. You feel like the walls are closing in on you and you're trapped and you're terrified of what's waiting for you out there.
Gene: You see, Derek? You think you got problems, I have to work with him!Gene: I'll do you a deal. I'll listen to your little tape machine, now and again, okay, so long as you, just sometimes, listen to this. (points to his head) 'k?
Litton: Now, when are you going to get it into your thick skulls that armed blags are mine?
Gene: Do you mind? I nearly had my brains blown out tonight!
Litton: Well, would you have noticed? If they were going for heavy blood loss, Gene, should have shot you in the gut.Gene: We gonna open this bogwater or not?
Sam: You open it.
Gene: No, I can't. It needs two.
Sam: Hello. Do you know a little boy who lives round here? Sam Tyler. He'd be about four years old.
Girl: I'm not meant to talk to strange men. Are you a strange man?
Sam: I think I probably am, yeah.Sam: Who is this Charlie Edwards?
Gene: An unpleasant little scrotum what we in the business call a "necessary evil".Sam: This is Warren's place, isn't it? (there is a big neon sign which says ‘The Warren”)
Gene: There's no flies on you, are there?
Sam: What're we doing here?
Gene: Furthering your education so you don't start a war.Gene: And now we have to apologise. I say "we" but I mean "you".
Gene: VIP lounge, love. I don't think that includes off-duty slags with glitter in their hair, do you?
Marc Bolan: If God were to appear in my room, obviously I'd be in awe, but I don't think I'd be humble.
Warren: So, you're the caped crusader, Mr Tyler.
Sam: I saw a man assaulting another man. I did my job.
Gene: He's very big on doing his job.
Warren: Glad to hear it.Gene: Is there anything in this world more revolting than a dishonest hippie?
Gene: It's a horrible concept, innit, huge psychotic hippies fencing stolen tellies.
Gene: Right, large whisky for the short-haired man who saved my bacon.
Sam: You're making bacon? Well done, boss.Sam and Gene bring one of the knocked off tvs into the pub.
Sam: This is nothing to do with me.
Gene: Oh, stop being such a girl. Think of it as a tax on bad people.
Nelson: What is that, mon brav?
Gene: It's a television.
Nelson: In a pub?
Gene: Yeah, ask the boy wonder here.
Sam: It's nothing to do with me.
Gene: Oi, tell him what you told me.
Sam: Well, I could make some brackets and we could put it on the wall... and watch the sport.
Nelson: In a pub?Gene: Hey, go easy on him, Phyllis. He's just taken a stroll down the yellow brick road!
Gene: Stephen Warren is a bum-bandit. Do you understand? A poof. A fairy. A queer. A queen. Fudge-packer. Uphill gardener. Fruit-picking sodomite!
Sam: He's gay?
Gene: As a bloody Christmas tree!Sam: (talking about taking back-handers) But when you do think about it? How does it make you feel?
Gene: Like there's an animal eating away at my insides.Gene: My friend is gonna ask you some questions. Personally, I hope you don't answer them, because I want you to die in here and end up inside a pork pie.
Sam (to Edwards): Who killed Joni Newton?
Gene: Trousers.
Edwards: Please…
Gene: Don't talk to me! Trousers!
Sam: Who killed Joni Newton?
Gene: Right. Leave him in here.
Sam: Are you gonna answer my question?
Sam: Yeah. Let's go.
Edwards: I can't tell you, he'll kill me!
Gene: Least it would've been a warm death.Sam: How's that little animal, in your stomach?
Gene: Do you know, I do believe he's sleeping.Gene: You didn't have any... inside information? Little bird in the racing fraternity?
Sam: I wouldn't do that, would I?
Gene: Well, I didn't think you'd lock a murder suspect in a giant fridge.
Sam: He wouldn't answer my question.
Gene: I've got a feeling he will.Gene: I'm not a Catholic myself, Mr Warren, but isn't there something about "Thou shalt not suck off rent boys"?
Warren: How dare you come in here!
Gene: You could've said that to the boy.
Ray: I'm arresting you for theft of a motor vehicle, resisting arrest, and driving like a div.
Chris: Er... can somebody help us?
Gene: Oh, leave him. Weediest kid always stayed in goal.Sam: If this was about football, he would've had serious injuries.
Gene: He's dead, that's quite serious.Sam: I want to talk to his family, his friends, and his workmates. I want to find out if there was another motive.
Gene: You do that, Sherlock, and if that doesn't work, try the butler. Maybe he did it. I'll bang up a hooligan by lunch.Sam: Let me go undercover.
Gene: No.
Sam: Gain their trust. Find out who he was drinking with last night. Find out what happened in the Trafford Arms before he left.
Gene: No.
Sam: Come on. Let me show you how clever I am. Just one shift in the pub.
Gene: N… in the pub?Gene: Right. Listen up. Einstein here's come up with a plan. He thinks that Colin Clay's killer may have been drinking with him in the Trafford Arms on the night of the murder. He also thinks there was a motive apart from football violence, so we're thinking, what, inside the box.
Sam: Outside.
Gene: Yeah, that an' all. So, in a bizarre twist of fate, the landlord was arrested this afternoon.... on suspicion of cattle rustling.Gene (to a random customer): Oi, you. Word. (Gene grabs his collar and pulls him closer) Where you in here two nights ago?
Sam: Gene… (Gene lets him go)
Gene: Wait here.
Sam: Do you understand the concept of "under cover"?
Gene: Too direct?
Sam: Little bit, yeah.
Gene: Yeah.
Gene: This um... (he points at what the man is wearing) shirt jumper's a nice combination, well done.Gene: So, what do you want?
Sam: Olive oil would be nice, bit of coriander… (Gene just stares at him) It's a herb.
Gene: Well this is Trafford Park. You've got more chance of finding an ostrich with a plum up its arse.Sam: Did you have to hit him?
Gene: Well, I thought it were a good idea, just before he said "Hello Detective Chief Inspector, fancy seeing you here."Gene: Time to liven things up a bit (spikes a half-poured pint) It's hard to keep your stories straight when you're pissed, you ask my missus.
Sam: I'm not sure that's ethical.
Gene: It's not, it's vodka.Sam: Can I have a word?
Gene (drunkenly): As long as the words are "it's my round" and "what're you having?".
Sam: Now!
Gene: Sorry, lads! Tinkerbell here needs a hand! We'll be back in a minute!Sam: You just will not be proved wrong, will you? You know, that's very childish.
Gene: No it is not.
Sam: Yes it is.
Gene: Is not!
Sam: It is.
Gene: Not!
Sam: Is!
Gene: Not!
Sam: Is!
Office party aftermath
Sam: Chris.
Chris: Five more minutes, dad.
Sam: And they call us the thin blue line.Gene: Chris, give these idiots a prod.
Chris: Can I be excused from running about too much this morning? I feel a bit sick.
Gene: You got a note?Sam: We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody except us.
Gene: Fair 'nough.
Sam: Call it the doughnut.
Gene: Jam or custard?
Sam: Now you're just being silly.
Gene: I'm not the one calling it a doughnut.Sam: Excuse me, sir, can you go back behind the cordon please?
Reporter: Stephen Barton, I'm a reporter from the Gazette.
Gene: Oh terrific. (he turns to yell through the loudhailer) Oi! Got another one for you!Sam: We need to start a dialogue with the hostage-taker.
Gene: We don't need a dialogue, we need the hostage-taker in cuffs or dead on the floor.
Sam: Look, I know how to play this.
Gene: Soon as we get a clear shot of him, job done.Sam: This is the crisis centre.
Gene: I think, if it's the centre of the crisis you're looking for, it's out there.Sam: Okay, we cut them. We cut him off. I want to keep him contained. He'll be isolated. His only way of speaking to the outside world will be through us.
Gene: Me.
Sam: I'm the negotiator.
Gene: I'll make you a hat.Gene: I am agog with excitement. How about you, Sergeant?
Ray: Think we'd better get outside, guv. Check that doughnut hasn't gone soggy.Sam: Reg Cole. And we've got an address.
Gene: He's not home.Annie: DCI Hunt, CID, uniform, no one seems to know what's going on, and everyone's running around like David Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Annie appears in the nurses uniform
Chris: Blimey, I've dreamt about this.
Gene (handing Annie a gun): Don't worry love, just like riding a bike.
Sam: Guv. He's gonna frisk her.
Gene: You know, something tells me Reg isn't around lots birds. We stuff this down her knickers, it's the one place he won't have the nerve to look.
Chris: I'll do it.Litton: Gutten tag, gents.
Gene: Morning, Litton. D'you want me get a bowl of water for your guide dog?Sam: We don't want to threaten him. We can't afford to lose a single hostage.
Litton: What? No-one? Well, there's a thought.
Sam: It'll look good in the papers.
Litton: Yeah, well, making the front pages is an occupational hazard. "RCS diffuse the crisis, lead everyone to safety", yes, I'm liking that.Gene: Maybe we should just shoot him.
Sam: No! We need to negotiate!
Gene: No, no no no. Him! Lytton. Nah. Paperwork. Be a bloody nightmare.Gene: Oh, come on, Reg, you're a criminal! You do what you do, I'm a copper, I do what I do. Cats eat kippers, dogs eat bones.
Sam and Gene are handcuffed to a radiator
Gene: Well, that was a hell of a piece of negotiation Sammy-boy. Maybe you could talk him into shooting us both up the jacksie.Sam: What is it with you and that Jackie?
Gene: She's a harpy, end of story.
Sam: Do you make friends everywhere you go?
Gene: She wants me. Poor bitch.Sam: You know, I thought I could reach him. He's totally insane.
Gene: I'm glad you noticed.Sam: I think you need to come out here, mate, we need some help. It's, er, it's the guv. Er, I think it might be something he ate for his breakfast. He's um... he's allergic to fatty foods. Low carbs only, he needs fresh fruit. It's happened before.
Sam, Gene and Annie are sitting on the floor, shut in a small room
Annie: Are we gonna die now?
Gene: No, I reckon we could take him. I'll jump on him, you take his gun and Cartwright can jump up and down on his knackers. Free the hostages, get down the pub, no problem.
Sam: Well, that's a relief. For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble.Ray: What's that all over him?
Chris: Scotch. He's bleeding whisky.
Sam (to Litton): That was the guv's collar. I want that known. Have you got that? (he grabs Litton) Have you got that!
Gene (groans): And I want Love Me Tender played at my funeral.Litton (about Gene): He assaulted a fellow senior officer.
Gene: DCI Lytton was a target. For a second, I didn't see a copper, only a helpless victim. I positioned DCI Lytton on the floor in order to protect him.Ray: The guv took a shot to the chest in the line of duty.
Chris: Luckily, he had the foresight to be wearing protection.Gene: Here we are, boys and girls, we've made the evening edition. I propose we batton down the hatches and spend the week in here.
Nelson: Can someone book me on the first flight to Jamaica. Please.
Sam: This car is disgusting.
Ray: So get out.
Sam: Staking out a technical college. All my ambitions fulfilled.
Gene: Two arrests for possession of cocaine, both of them students in that tech. I want to know who's dealing.
Sam: And we're not leaving this to the drugs squad because...?
Ray: DI Robinson made a pass at the guv's wife last Bonfire Night.Billy: How's that for a truncheon? (Sam rolls his eyes and Billy makes a run for it, opens a door and comes face to face with Gene) Oh bollocks.
Gene (looking down): My thoughts exactly.Ray: He's a druggie. Just charge the bugger.
Sam: He was only carrying three wraps. He's no more than a recreational user.
Ray: Recreational? It's cocaine, not Subbuteo.Gene (to Sam): You're never happy unless you're making my life complicated, are you?
Billy: I want a solicitor.
Gene: I want Fiona Richmond as a secretary, looks like we'll both have to wait.Sam: A monkey could have got a confession out of Billy Kemble. Mike Tyson wades in and now he's refusing to say a word.
Gene: Are we keeping you up?
Phyllis: You will be. Every cell's full and Harry Smith's phoned in sick. Muggins here's covering and I'm knackered.
Gene: Serves you right for staying up ruttin all night with that new fella of yours. Do you let his guide dog watch?
Phyllis: His guide dog's giving your Mam one… from behind. (Gene looks stunned)
Gene: Whatever happened to all the classy birds?Albert: I'm not sharing with no one.
Gene: What is that, a double negative? Don't they teach you anything in nutter school these days?Sam: So, you said you wanted to talk about procedure,
Gene: Oh. No no no no no. The missus is staying with her mother. I don't eat alone. (there is a pause whilst Sam looks at him) Well, if I told you that, I knew you wouldn't come.Sam: When did you last check on Billy Kemble? You should have conducted half-hourly welfare checks.
Phyllis: We did check on him. That's how we knew he was dead.Sam: Are you Andrea Kemble?
Andrea: I hope so. Else I'm in another bugger's flat.Gene: Kemble was a flasher. You must have been threatened by that.
Annie: He didn't flash me.
Gene: Yeah, but if he had done.
Sam: She just said he didn't.
Gene: But you'd have felt threatened… disgusted… as a bird, like.Gene: How many times did you check on him?
Chris: Once. Maybe twice.
Gene: Your memory's hardly your best quality, is it Chris? Let's round it up to four.Gene: Well, I’m sorry it doesn’t match the pictures in your I-Spy book of druggie behaviour, but the post mortem was conclusive.
Sam: Be gentle, will you?
Gene: I’m not a bleeding luddite. (Andrea opens the door) Hiya love. DCI Hunt. How're you feeling? Just come to talk to you about how your brother copped it.Sam: Did you know that Billy took cocaine?
Andrea: He doesn't. He'd never take drugs.
Gene: Well, with respect, you probably thought he kept his cock in his keks and all.
Andrea: He your boss? (Sam nods) Well, what would I get for smacking him one?
Sam: Round of applause from half our station.Chris: You ain't half twisted my arm.
Sam: Girl.
Chris: They've gotta give it up. What else they gonna do? We're the Force.
Sam: And may the Force be with you.Sam: I think we should give him a few minutes. He's… um... feeling unwell.
Gene: Shall I fetch him some milk of magnesia?Gene: When a big old shark at the top of the criminal ladder goes, the other smaller fish get excited. They wanna climb that ladder.
Sam: This is a very mixed metaphor.
Gene: Big shark has gone and others wanna take over his feeding ground and I'm telling you, I had no idea there were so many fish in my pond.Vic: Lesson for me there. Never try to outsmart the copper's mind.
Chris: Investigative brain, innit. It's lava... lava...lavatorial.
Sam: Lateral. Lateral thinking, Chris.Gene: So. You two related? Both Tyler?
Vic: Ah, give over.
Gene: Somebody call Esther Rantzen.Sam: Don't worry, Mr Tyler. Just tell us exactly what you were doing in Room 16 of the Victoria Park Hotel.
Vic: I was hoping to land a school's contract. I was getting changed -
Gene: So you book into a hotel from your miles from your house.
Sam: Good neutral ground to meet a client.
Gene: What, I suppose he wanted to test out the tea-making facilities as well, but shall we ask him, Inspector?Vic: I've got a young lad called Sam.
Gene: I've got a pain in the arse called Sam.Gene: Have you met?
Ruth: Inspector... Bolan?
Sam: Tyler. We met in connection with a burglary. Uh... I thought it might confuse you if I gave you my real name, so I... adopted a professional alias.
Gene: It's not a wind-up love, he really thinks like this.Gene: I think she likes you though. Hey, you could slip her a length. You're a Tyler. Keep it in the family.
Gene: Ding dong, Avon calling.
Gene: Once Upon a Time in Her Vest? You dare to pollute the glorious genre of the American Western?
Gene: We need to nail the brothers Grimm before they blight this town like a dose of Colorado beetle. Am I still getting my whatsits mixed up, Gladys?
Sam: No, that was a simile, you're alright.Gene: What've you got, my little deputy-dawg?
Chris: New aftershave, Ray?
Ray: What? Yeah. Clingon.
Sam: Lucky Wilma.
Chris: Going alright, is it?
Ray: I dunno. She goes on about her origami. Like that programme they run at lunchtime on the telly. I just try and picture her without her top on.
Gene: Would you three just shut yer-Gene: I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.
Sam: An overweight, over the hill, nicotine-stained, borderline alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding.
Gene: You make that sound like a bad thing.Sam: Tell me Gene. Why are you sharing this little adventure with me?
Gene: You know, you talk a big game about leaving, but maybe this is more your cup of tea than you care to admit.Gene: Now that's an odd thing to do.
Sam: You don't want me to leave.
Sam: But I have to leave, Gene.
Annie: He's under stress, sir.
Gene: Well, I'm not exactly dozing in a deckchair myself, here.
Sam: Listen to me.
Gene: Write it down, I'll read it later.Chris: You know what you've done, boss? Lost me a fiver.
Ray: We had a little bet, not long after you arrived on, who'd pull a gun on who first.
Chris: I was sure it would be the guv.
Sam: You shouldn't underestimate me, Chris.
Chris: I don't underestimate you, boss. I just don't understand you.
Sam: I want to go home.
Gene: Don't be such a jessy. Go home later.Ray: So. What d'you want to do now, guv?
Gene: Pub!
Ray: Pub
Chris: Pub.
(there is a pause while Sam thinks about it)
Sam: Pub.